Find True Love!
The fact that you are still looking for it proves success
for both those that inhibit the past and those that hope for you in their
future!
Understand the Transition.
The stigma that enables curiosity can be equaled by the
finality of the truth for each end of the spectrum!
Continuation!
Be mindful of your actions. As you establish leadership,
your methods will be relived by others who felt you were justified whether they
are seen as mistakes or successes in hindsight. I hope for the best for all who
feel I am worthy of being followed.
Constant!
When this life is complete, you will have the satisfaction
of saying you've seen it from start to finish! You witnessed every moment and
supported every instance. What else can it be? And then the end happens because
you enjoyed it more than I ever could had.
Arise!
Maybe the accomplishment was finding another path in which
you are able to move forward. As always, use this opportunity to progress your
better qualities from the past and improve on the flaws that might have created
this to attempt to have a different conclusion. It seems like every day can be
seen as time to remember who you were and simultaneously decide who it is you
are trying to become!
Peregrinate!
Part of the frustration is knowing where you are and seeing
your destination but the events between the two points are completely left to
assumption until actuation is realized. And even then there is an act and
counteract to each step growing the population in both directions.
Vista!
Your perspective is just different from others. And in each
instance you both see exactly what you wanted to. What makes me sad is
essential to the enjoyment of those with a differing view. My escape should not
be another's permanent place. I just choose to settle for what I can get
because I have never been able to get what I want. Now is the time to prepare
for the future and accept the facts of my failed past.
Influence!
As long as something happens, the merits of its beginning
nor the consistency of its action does not matter. Every action creates
reaction and every reaction enables a following. The point is to believe a team
exist even if all parts don't agree with the premise. I'm ashamed of the fact
that people encourage me to participate that this is the best possible
situation for me. The main problem is that negativity and degradation are just
as popular as anything you can do to redeem some sense of valor to be able to
regain self-esteem. Everything cuts both ways regardless of the effect to
either party. When information is dispersed, it is easier to appear unified
with a source even though you can be corrupting its very credibility!
Tranquil?
Positive thinking, faithful prayers and belief in something
greater than one's self has led me to recant that this is my current lifestyle
due to past failures from different routes. But this too has not given me
something to be proud of. My initial thought, once revealed, becomes supplanted
by the growing resistance to acceptance of my version of the truth. It may not
be that I am right or wrong, it could just be a form of equality from another
perspective which garners questioning. Any topic which can be debated can be
expressed from differing views. Now I am left to wonder what options do I have
when creativity is denied and conventional methods are not in your favor. At
this point the value of my life has changed because access has debilitated what
my skills are actually worth. When all roads are blocked do you force change or
allow yourself to be succumb by ineptitude and negligence?
Loss!
The question I usually ask myself is, what do people see
when they see me. Am I a person or just something to be used and removed? There
seems to be a level of concern but never interaction. And if participation is
not the goal of the connection, however minute it may be, is it negligible in
the end? And what is the substance of the concern and how integral am I to the
entire situation as is? More questions than answers and less people to have
significant feelings. The strange part is I'm not sure if I should be hurt if
there was nothing on the other end. Maybe my imagination of what is tangible is
out of the loop. As usual, it comes to a stop when I am no longer needed or
have served my purpose. The loneliness continues and the desperation is evident
but don't bother to be the one to initiate a transformation, simply be the one
who finds my existence to be the inherent issue. I wish I had a friend! Thank
you!
Service!
Sometimes there is no reward for improvement. Depending on
your previous form, you may just not be the worst instance of yourself anymore.
This does not have to be celebrated or even acknowledged. People who are
consistently at a similar place or higher find staying there enough. Since this
is new to me, I had expectations of something better which may not be
reasonable for individuals who are already here. Another lesson I had to learn
is everyone is not speaking to me or in my favor. Assuming a message is for you
when it is not explicitly stated simply leads you towards the incorrect path. I
find myself wishing for my fantasy to come to fruition instead of helping
another unite their reality. It becomes narcissistic to feel you are involved
in affairs for which you are not present. After the many stages of hope, I have
seen that the heroes journey might not be to save the fallen soul but to remind
you why humility is a preeminent characteristic to comprehend. Everything I
thought I was can be changed and everything I am has been seen before. And in
the end, the mistake was thinking you knew more than those who oppose your
view.
Attune!
It has been arduous to present a point of enlightenment
after making what I now think were bad choices. I do not want negativity to be
the motivation but it appears to be the recent experience prior to collecting
my thoughts. The chances to recover have been minimized and the debt is
starting to seem insurmountable. Even though I had expectations to reach a
positive destination, it could again be the long road traveled of the wrong
option. As I seemingly stray further and further from society, the division of
being labeled as the minority or the exception is not as clear. The presumed
rarefied status will either be the culmination of a new achievement or the
absolute collapse of my perception of saneness. There cannot be a claim of
being mislead or misinformed if I brought myself to this point by my own
accord. There have been many moments of distress and great worry but if those
emotions were to be displaced by the greater sense of refined advancement, it
would truly feel as if a calling was evoked and replied to respectably.
Prudent!
Reflecting on what places me in the present moment is, at
times, a somber task. There have been very few moments of praise for myself. My
conscious state of being can be lifted with the idea that a revived future is
still a possibility. This occurs when I see the signs that the best traits of
humanity are showing. The sentiment is often appreciative and reassuring. But
that does not alter what brought me to this point. My mistakes usually entails
offending groups of people which then leaves me isolated and alone to merely
regret my words. And the result is not the typical two steps forward then a step
back. My experience is more of all progress arrives at an immediate and abrupt
stop. It causes a drastic switch to how to proceed in each case. I want to move
steadily toward a more universally accepted position but it does not seem to be
in my nature. Not necessarily conforming to society but embracing what it
presents and finding my space for its approval. Logic dictates that this will
lead to something eventually but that day will always seem to be later rather
than sooner.
Cure!
The discovery that I am not a perfect being is not a new
revelation to me. Reaching for excellence has not reaped the benefits I once
sought. Some mistakes are fixable. The correction can be applied by myself or
another who has a pure comprehension of the intent. My hope is that there's
help to add what's missing or modification for an enhanced effect. My fear is
that some errors are more severe where it leads to an adverse finish without an
amicable place to return. And with eminence or abandonment hanging in the
proverbial balance, the task is getting daunting. The ingrained process has
really left me depleted. The impression I get is that this won't be seen as
practical if it were to exclusively end as a teachable moment of what not to
try to be. As I strive to align my beliefs up with what is pleasing for those
intricately involved, there is a sense of favorability towards my objective. I
am not always welcomed with the guarantee of a honest approach however.
Eventually there will be less pressure and less scrutiny which could allow me
to just be a person doing what is right and what is good.
Suspicion!
There is a naturally progressive apprehension I have about
what is to come. Lacking evidence prevents me from the certainty that there is
something to be upset for. So it leaves me in a state of skepticism that things
will ever get better. There has only been loss and destruction as of late and
that pattern has continued while increasing in frequency. It does hurt and it
seems to be intentional. The feeling is that I am systematically being used to
only generate my opposition. Every idea that I present, independent of where it
is seen or heard, is met with an equal and opposite reaction. There is a clear
absence of any sort of uniformity or solidarity for positive momentum. The
sense of being trapped to your last resort to only have your thoughts warped
and reproduced for a different venue is absolutely demoralizing. I'm being
conditioned to know that this is not only possible but it is acceptable. It
appears as a case study to find your weakness and not only destroy my character
but always strengthen all whom can use that as information against me. There is
not an exit and I do not have much left, so what else is there to take from me?
Kismet!
It sounds trivial but to be surrounded by love does not seem
to be enough. The concept is everywhere in varying degrees. Each time a door is
opened, either for new person or new opportunity, it can be a connotation of
that feeling. And though I have that at this time, I am not happy. What's
missing is the ability to stimulate the spark needed to control what happens to
me. I constantly get froze with no immediate options that are to my liking for
prosperity. As I age, there is no one to blame for this. It may just be my very
passive approach that allows me to be cornered. Once I felt as if I had to
fight for everything I had but it caused so much stress and tension to have
possession. The complete alternative is to find that people do not willingly
provide more than is required. Even now there does not seem to be concern for
my life directly but how events can indirectly be attributed to others for
credit. No one wants to be the first to say I care but the first to say I
started this or I caused that. I want to be loved by my definition and not just
have the word thrown at me with emptiness. The only problem is I do not know
what that constitutes because I do not think I have ever experienced it in my
life. Every day I hope that when I am met with love, it will be the true
catalyst that I have always dreamt to enjoy. And every day I am left waiting
for it to happen.
Salvable?
There is always a point at which you must analyze where you
are and where you are heading to. If this is not done perpetually, you either
lose the sense of the realistic present or how far you are from your goals in
the future. As of now, I have exhausted nearly all of my resources and want to
know the place where and with whom I can start over. In review of myself, I am
not the person I was but I do not seem close to where it is I want to be. This
is the conflict as I see it. I have improved mentally and spiritually with a
fair amount of significance. And with that being true, I have no way of
sustaining myself and I am beginning to break down physically. Which is really
better for society, the ability to perceive accurately or the ability to
perform with a high degree of quality. The more important question maybe which
can be recovered fully once it is lost. Having this knowledge does not help me
to know where to go forward in this instance. I know what to work on but I am
reduced to needing an immaculate reverence for ascension to occur. As the
opportunities become rarer my primary responsibility is to provide admirably
and hope that my presence is never seen as regrettable but first I must develop
the habits that are recommended to be chosen competently by those who see
potential for what I am able to do.
Adhere!
In periods such as this I feel as if I have relinquished all
that I crave for what I have been given. I do not understand why I have been
walled off to this extent. The feeling can be epitomized as forced assimilation
to a preferred way of life which is not in my best interest. I relish the times
of conversation, times of shared emotion and times of genuine friendship. These
have been replaced by whatever is necessary to make it to the next moment. What
can be gained by this and why am I asked to accept the burdensome role? If this
is the course to become something much more meaningful than I am now then I have
a question. Is others liking what you have turned into worth you disliking what
you are personally? There is a possibility that the painstaking process could
be as enjoyable as the end result for some. For this to not lead from the dark
tunnel to the first signs of light towards my dreams would only mean I have
committed myself to the wrong virtues and concepts of today's world. And to be
on the wrong path at this point would be very detrimental to what was
anticipated to lie ahead. I can simply consider this parable, if I had made
someone happy then I hope that may be returned but if I have done the opposite
then those sentiments were and will be reciprocated. I can try to offer an
apology to all whom are offended while plead for help from anyone who finds
sympathy and therefore can.
Equilibrant!
Currently the only thing I see is the battle of opposing
forces. I try to constantly release feelers to pinpoint where to find
cooperation and where there is resistance. The conscious effort to provide
positive energy has not gotten me to where I want to be at the moment. It seems
like in the past there was always cooperation independent of whether my request
was good or bad. The difficulty is in making the pathway to enable a different
way to go. Then the realization that sometimes people are directed towards a
certain destination was my epiphany. The dilemma to devise a new route or take
the proven trail was not my choice to make. I feel as if I am being channeled
to something that I could not achieve on my own. I am not there yet and cannot
conceive how much longer it may take. It is not a test of patience anymore, it
is now a test of morality. Why would this be happening and what do you think
the ending could be? Maybe this is the finality or maybe its still getting
prepared for a greater design. One thing I am sure of is if I am involved then
I am part of the plan. How much of the plan I contribute has not been
determined yet. The strangest feeling is to think you are really doing good and
then encounter an overwhelming sense of inertia. All I can do is make others
aware of my intentions and hope that people can assist in what I am trying to
accomplish. I have not reached there yet but my optimistic view says there is
always time for a prayer to be answered.
Resilience!
My present standing with all persons of interest is a bit of
a concern for me. I am confused by the sheer immobility that was on display
lately. It is probably due to a lack of necessities on my part more than any
deterrent from external variants. At first, I did not find these conditions to
be suitable to be the premier person of distinction I would like to become. The
harboring of conjectures about insolence, rage and spite to the brink of
virtual insanity has subsided. And while there is still a very real gap between
where I am and where I want to end up, that interval is now seen as being a
process of separation to attain a healthier mind state. The situation as I
envision it now is a more organic and natural way to handle a complex
archetype. It has turned to a point where I want to win but not at the cost of
anyone else. I want to participate but I cannot disturb what is currently
taking place. From the other side, I can see how my words resonate. I can see
how what I am doing matters but I can't reach those same entities to enhance
what is happening now. Maybe this is the time of the transition where what I
have done will be thought of as relevant. The time where the way I went about
this, the process itself becomes respected to some level. Maybe now is when I
am not weird among my contemporaries but I harken back to a past presence that
is revered.
Obdurate!
To me, I feel as if I have tried to adapt to every request
from others. I've conformed in my approach and considered all information that
was presented to me. And still the exertion to adjust has yielded nary a good
result. Hindsight has taught that it is easier to maintain consistency by any
means than it is to return from falling to regain a previous position. One
viewpoint is that leniency may have been granted to stop moving in reverse. The
other is that there is a present standard that generated rigidity to move
forward as it has a sedentary stature to be compared to. I can choose to
completely lose myself or continue to wait for something different to work in
my favor. But ultimately, I must decide what is this experience worth. If it
were not to be helpful in my life, could there be an alternative for the next
person whom finds themselves in such a predicament. See things may change for
me but another may never have to face this as there will be a cause to prevent
it. History says that these characters are to be persecuted by their peers. The
contrast is in that I am less about challenging authority than I am for sharing
my perspective on why this is troubling. I feel there is a problem while the
majority believes the adage "if it ain't broke don't fix it" still
applies. Even worse for me, I can not stand with others of the same plight as I
seem to be a unique case. There was not a gathering for injustice against an
oppressor or a system that must alter its tenets and principles for a
misrepresented population. It started as just one person whose value was not
able to be quantified by the society in which he lives. The ascertainment of an
innate ability that may be special was deemed impractical and later
ineffectual. I can not define or explain it but I think that the interest in it
can be spoken of in the same way. So I guess the question must be asked
whenever the ruination occurs with the establishment of nomenclature, are you
one of the many stars in the night sky or are you the only sun in the morning?
And whichever you find yourself to be, why do you feel that way?
Bestride!
Again I am at a point where concessions are needed. When one
is dependent upon another to move forward, you must meet their requirements and
their standards in the given window to get the job done. Ordinarily, if you
cannot comply with that then it is you who will be at a loss. We live in a time
where there is always another option for whoever has the obvious advantage. If
you are upset with being replaceable, you are defined as a tradable commodity
and not the critical asset you once presumed. You could become vital to a new
venture but can you discover that resolute setting with the rational ambition
and urgency needed to encompass it. In verbal terms, you would primarily be
swapping the insult for encomium. If you can, you may feel at home with your
stated goal or purpose. If not, you could endlessly wander from place to place
looking for what you want with a constantly empty feeling. The conundrum being
faced is to move on from what you never had to what you never knew existed. As
you try to find the meaning in that statement: the clock continues to tick, the
earth continues to spin and you are still the same person you were yesterday.
Now I know I can determine my next mission and my next step but I do that not
knowing my final destination, only the direction I wish to go. As you travel
that all important trip, just think about whether you have enough information
to conclude if you are closer to its beginning or the end.
Discursive!
I used to think of myself as some sort of recluse or hermit.
There are situations where I am very reserved and apart from the norm. This has
evolved to the preponderance of my thoughts becoming rhetorical questions and
introverted findings projected to something else. And as I got accustomed with
this circumstance through repetition, I feel I am not that different from
others. There is an apex of being consumed to exist for an instance, that you
can lose touch of what was before and to come afterwards. The effect of that is
only being able to draw parallels to what you have witnessed for better or for
worse. No person can be everywhere at once but that absence can help in
understanding what others may hold dear. The fragmented sections start to
iterate in fractal like examples of what they believe is best for them. In some
ways there is a tinge of randomness but otherwise religion can be implied. See
as the ideals are passed down, they develop into a doctrine for a tried and
true way to abide by. If you do not fit in accordance with what's accepted, you
will be seen as very stubborn or original with that interpretation being left
to those who disagreed beforehand. In any event, you can either show how you
are similar to what is already familiar or present a notably diverse way to
conduct oneself. The key is not to disrupt or overturn the past but have an
alternative for the offing. And whether it is a play on words or a game of
numbers, everyone can be a part of something.