Translate To Preferred Language

Search ObiokusThoughts

Please Read Today's Featured Post

Reading Brashly

Involve Evolve Revolve Devolve Aesop Dr. Seuss Father time  Mother goose Fast danger Nurture nature Rainbow Sunshine ...

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Historical Leadership

My thoughts on the historical view of leadership and how it has evolved has not been changed that much with the recent readings.  Leadership is usually seen as a head of state or the crucial active agent of a transition.  Niccolo Machiavelli’s contribution of The Prince which is an informational depiction of how leaders are perceived, how they will act and what they should be aware of may have been radical during its time but is not as shocking now(1505).  Written in the 16th century, Machiavelli goes in depth about principalities, land, governing, followers, armies, enemies, wealth and much more in 26 chapters.  We were asked to read ten of the chapters for the purpose of this assignment.  Some of the ideas that increased or enhanced my understanding were from chapters XV and XVIII.  The following quotation is from chapter XV, “for a man who wishes to act entirely up to his professions of virtue soon meets with what destroys him among so much that is evil”.  The context of the quote and overall chapter is that a man who is virtuous must know about and adapt to the evil of his opposite.  To say a good man will succumb to his foes if he were not to amend his methods is a profound statement to make.  We have seen some of our greatest leaders survived by others who were not as significant for their time.  The leaders were usually lost in the confrontation of opposition to principles and beliefs of which they stood for.  We see this as a moral sacrifice and a testament to the will of an individual for the fight for what is right and good.  The idea I get from Machiavelli’s statement states that the loss of life can be avoidable though the valiant heroism can be negatively affected.  Would history be viewed the same if the person had not died in their prime and lived long enough for the image to be tarnished?  A prevailing thought in accordance with that comes from chapter XVIII.  For any sort of longevity leaders should know about and be talented in the ways of both beasts and men.  The ways of beast are devious while men are honorable but one should be able to combat either when called upon to do so.   
                To address some of the myths of history, gender and leadership I will lean on some of the writings of Laurel Ulrich from the book Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History (2007)One very important statement found on page 50 says that “History isn’t just what happens in the past.  It is what later generations choose to make of it”.  My take of this is that the events, as they happen, are not imperative if it is not relevant at a later time.  That is a brief but powerful statement to define what history is.  As we grow and advance, how do our values progress when we look at the past?  Something that was significant may no longer reside in the same context for the present audience.  Meaning the present actually rewrites the past simply by maintaining pertinence of the moments as time goes by.  To me, that is a stunning divulgence of not only how we remember history but how what we consider historical is created.  To coincide with that observation is the stories of amazon women in the beginning.  Once the facts are recognized or understood, descriptive language and hyperbole can be added to a story to cause veneration or disillusion.  This aspect can produce a myth with distortion of the actual events which may or may not have held its own against the test of time. 
                My personal plans are not necessarily affected from what I have learned from this reading.  I gained valuable information about how others feel about this subject matter but to be cognizant of what others believe is an honest attribute of critical thinking.  One thing I do take from this exercise is to make sure what I am doing now is worthy of being remembered by anybody with a positive connotation if possible.  I do not want to be the antecedent of nightmares and regrets for people.  I can elude that circumstance at all cost from this point forward.  Another theme that I will try to carry on is to preserve a precise portrayal of how things occurred in the instant it does.  Let me try to minimize the breeding of myths from what I can control first.  All in all history may be best defined by what remains from that period or style of leadership instead of what will be remembered.


Gender can be defined as what you identify with.  It is natural and congenital to accept the gender you were assigned at birth.  In fact this was primarily my belief before beginning this assignment.  There are some people who dispute this however and are determined to blur the lines on what is being male or female.  This is more constructed from one’s personal preference rather than believing in the societal designation is what I have added from how others feel about gender.  According to a book written by Dr. Judith Lorber titled Paradoxes of Gender, there are additional assignments for males who want to be recognized as women and females who want to be recognized as men (1994).  There are numerous labels for those terms, some scientific and some offensive, but they do exist for those who fall outside or in-between the perceived lines.  I find it very easy to be categorized as male under my definition and the way I conduct myself.  The conventional thought on gender characteristics leads me to that critique of myself.  Though topics like raising children and sports have become more blended today than before, we still use gender to define what we see and who we are.  I do not think I do anything that will be seen as overly stereotypical of being masculine and I rarely think of myself as feminine though a recent exercise may disagree.  After completing my answers for the “bem inventory”, I find myself directly on the line of undifferentiated and feminine.  It does not discourage me or hurt my pride but the results of the study are what they are.  I will choose not to put as much credence into the test as I place on myself for the moment.

                To discuss gender in context with leadership opens a new conversation.  I first think of the setting of the debate.  We have been introduced to articles and interviews where women are challenging to have the same rights and opportunities as men when it comes to leadership.  Dr. Ronald Riggio presents a genderless offering to determine whether leaders are born or made (2009).  He compares the concepts of whether it is possible to have inborn characteristics with those that are taught from others who want you to be in a leadership position.  This argument removes gender from the conversation overtly but subtly implies that this topic can mean that those who do not have leadership roles are neither born with certain capabilities or are being trained to do such.  However Dr. Alice Eagly questions this from a women’s perspective in a book she co-wrote with Dr. Linda Carli named Through the Labyrinth: The Truth About How Women Become Leaders (2007).  She discussed that women are not being considered because of their stereotypes.  This retort can imply that men are making mistakes in their judgment as leaders on what is best for everyone involved.  I do not wish to be egocentric but I disagree with both viewpoints to some degree.  Referring back to the setting of the debate, where are we questioning the leaders?  Are we being the spectators of prosperous ventures and saying that they could do more for others or are we simply saying it could have been done a different way?  As it stands for the assimilation of genders to occur, one must move from its position for the other to gain if we were to believe it is not balanced.  To bring in gender means there is a request for men to acquiesce and allow modifications for women.  If this were to happen, do women also make some concessions or create some leeway for the betterment of men overall and is it required?  So I think that is the crux of the argument that goes on in our world today and way beyond my expertise.  Therefore it is also something that I do not have an answer to.  That is one talk that I choose to avoid and not have because I am in a situation where I see women directly in front of me with control over what I can and cannot do going forward now.  My perspective is that women have achieved some ground in the realm of leadership and to further that point may mean that my generation of males gets buried as a result of it.  See I find myself in the position of a minority male who cannot catch the majority or hinder the progress of women.  I have no say either way as I am not in competition for leading men and have seen women pass me by already.  I just hope that there are equal opportunities for all people absent of race, religion, sex or political affiliation but that may be a dream that faded away some time ago. 

Healthcare - The New Inalienable Right

As we reach a point of constantly evolving our society to meet the needs of our people, I believe the next advancement would be to accept healthcare as a right that should be accessible to all citizens.  Healthcare has become a necessity to many people but the majority of us were only aware of it through forms of employment.  Once upon a time as a new employee, I was confused about the choice between a health maintenance organization and a preferred provider organization.  I did not know what advantage I would have if I were to choose a personal doctor or pay slightly more for a network of doctors that would all be under that same plan.  I knew that I wanted to pay for one or the other via a deduction from my paycheck however.  The PPO was eventually my choice and I used it to its maximum extent.  There were times that I partially paid for dental care, surgery, hospital stays, biannual check-ups and prescription medications for infections.  I know what health insurance can mean for a person and I am sure my life has been drastically reformed for having that happen.  Healthcare can be an integral service similar to that of public transportation, education and telecommunications.  It can become something this is available to anyone who wants it.  As insurance suggests, it is constantly available for us to use and primarily only awaiting our interaction. When considering the landscape of our population, why would we not want to see as many physically and mentally healthy people as possible?  Can there ever be a reason to interfere in someone being able to restore their health to full capacity?  Having been a victim of sickness, I know the penalty of not being in the best condition each and every day.  Mental deterioration and physical exhaustion are just some of the invisible constraints I had to battle due to reduced vitality.  Showing signs of calamitous pathogens with skin conditions and organ failure are the more worrying indications that care was long overdue.  We could be arranging prevention methods for never having to suffer from some of the more common ailments.  And this would not be just for the adults like me.  Furthering eradication of disease in the forms of immunizations and treatments for our youth are equally as important to living in a developed society.  Children will be able to grow into adults not having to consider certain maladies with taking the proper steps for deterrence in their early stages.  We can observe the progress made from the previous generation and know that we have more work ahead of us to do.  As you assess all that can make healthcare a beneficent cause, I cannot envision many revolting or adverse consequences from expanding its accessibility.  The benefits far outweigh the risks and should be handled appropriately with that premise in mind.
            The discussion for having healthcare as a right should start with addressing the role of government in our lives.  A democratic government, as we have, will cater to its citizens and voters to improve the country entirely.  The United States government has created amendments for freedom of speech, right to bear arms, abolishment of slavery, repeal of prohibition and voting rights for women and young adults.  Each resolution was a controversial change that was contested or down right enjoyed by some prior to the correction.  All of these were brought to a colloquy to make a decision on the concerns of the time and enacted into legislation.  This country started from humble beginnings and has seen its share of war and compromise.  It has also proven that it can yield to minority requests when presented with a sufficient argument to permit the greater good.  Though there are people who complain about authority, we tend to see that government’s place in our life is not to merely dictate rules and regulations that we must uniformly conform to.  It has shown the ability to neutralize a past wrong if we acquiesce to the emerging conflict of interest.  See government officials are usually sworn in to help to create a better nation as their chosen professions.  We have a system where everyone from the President of the United States to your local City Council person is selected to have their position by the people who reside in the area.  Elected representatives respond to the population it serves by providing what it wants and introducing what can be viewed as enhancements.  So why would healthcare need to be restricted from the voters?  As long as medical personnel agree to be part of the system and cost can be relatively fair, there should be no reason to refrain from proliferation of the concept of universal healthcare.  If we were to witness overcrowded lounges and emergency rooms as a result, it should not be the fault of overuse of insurance.  Nor should we pinpoint the deficiency of doctors to answer our beckoning calls.  We should simply accept that this is the aggregate of the populace who warrant some degree of medical attention and an unspecified quantity would not be there if it were not for insurance.  And again it would be the role of government to finesse the structure of this proposal behind the scenes for the betterment of all. 
Using the recent example of the affordable care act would be prudent to this topic.  The affordable care act, affectionately called Obamacare, was introduce as a bill in 2009 and signed into law on March 23rd of 2010.  After many attempts at expanding healthcare during the nineties, President Barack Obama was able to get an addendum by way of legislation.  This was a major step towards having made some version of healthcare available for more citizens in this country.  Part of the emphasis was placed on attending to those at or near the federal poverty level and did not qualify for Medicaid.  The connection between the poor and wellness has always been mired in turmoil for a long time now.  We have lost many lives due to illnesses not being identified and diagnosed soon enough.  Partial reasoning for this is that healthcare costs were so high for the uninsured.  Minor aches and pains would be treated with rest.  Worse conditions were treated with home remedies or over the counter options.  Advanced medicine or visits to the doctor would only be considered as a last measure resort.  That last measure maybe when they discover a severe infection, chronic condition or terminal illness with the interval they have left to live.  I can only imagine the feeling you get when you find out that the pain you felt for weeks which aspirin did not alleviate has become an inoperable form of cancer.  Even cases for rest would be taken with scrutinizing discernment.  Time adults missed from work would subtract from a future paycheck and time children missed from school would cause them to play catch up once they returned by compounding assignments.  When contemplating the repercussions, these are never easy decisions.  This is a meager cycle reproducing troubling results for the already underprivileged.  This situation can create the event of someone working themselves towards grievous levels of fatigue to maintain what they have in the present and completely jeopardizing their future in the process.  People have suffered far too long from improper health practices due to a lack of resources or care due to their circumstances but to label the occurrence as self-explanatory is a disheartening conundrum of its own.  Plans were designed to help these people get health insurance and request others to do the same.  There was an inclusion of an individual mandate where some will be required to have some kind of plan moving forward.  Individuals who are not part of an employer offered plan, Medicaid or Medicare can secure a privatized plan through the newly issued Obamacare.  Obamacare is a transformational model that has yet to see its full potential become realized.  It is being challenged by individual states however that do not agree with federal funding for the expansion of coverage.  Generations from now we may see even lower child mortality rates, longer life spans for adults and fewer citizens besieged with health concerns by not earning enough money if this venture were to be successful.
Government is incorporated into our lives to assist in the form of preparation in other areas.  As students, we are asked to register for selective service to be able to qualify for federal aid.  While wealthy parents can pay for college out of pocket and the best students earn scholarships, the rest of us are enlisted into a reserve bank to be draft eligible.  I believe this is only for males but has been challenged to be for both sexes.  Being a student that did not excel in high school, I needed aid in the form of loans and grants to attend school.  To discover that an extreme case would mean being removed from my university to be part of an active war was disturbing.  I am thankful that I have not been part of a military draft yet in my life.  The military is usually filled with a copious amount of recruits each year and this may never actually be necessary until the most desperate of times.  As I said, it is required however.  This has not been petitioned or questioned on whether this obligation is still critical.  To drive in this country, you must pass a law test and a skills test after a certain age to acquire proper identification.  After getting your new driver’s license, you must become an insured motorist.  We must purchase insurance for each car on the road and every driver behind the wheel to be in accordance with legal regulations.  This is done so the people can be correctly educated about the risks of operating a motor vehicle before gaining the rewards.  It greatly increases the safety factor for everyone on the road.  Also if there are any devastating accidents, there are processes to determine who is at fault and remedy the situation as soon as possible.  Insurance can partially or completely cover the cost of automobile repairs and patience care in the event where someone gets injured.  With examples like this being present currently, why does healthcare need to be different?  If healthcare was a requirement for the employed, would circumstances be worsened for everyone involved?  Similar to how it is when choosing a plan with the twist of healthcare would no longer be optional but mandatorily taken from your paycheck with taxes and social security.  You would still get to choose your network of doctors or primary physician to identify for your care services.  If we could make it exactly like taxes where those that earn more pay more, we could have this for every level of employment.  Maybe we can present some stipulation of your contribution being congruent to the expertise and status of doctors available to you.  This way those at the lower level would be able to get primary care whenever it was necessary.  Assistance with hospital bills, emergency care and routine check-ups would be a great benefit to anyone who works forty hours per week.  Remarkable care from byword A-list physicians would be the perks of paying more for your share. We would then have some form of coverage for more Americans in general.  This expansion would embrace non-citizens who were able to obtain legal employment from any entity within the fifty states of our country.  It could be a huge step forward in improving our nation to continue to be one of the premier destinations for anyone who has a dream to live better in this world.  This places us one step closer to making healthcare universal for all people as well.
           I feel that we can make pronounced progress in providing healthcare for more people.  It would not only show concern for our most coveted resource, human beings, but it would also improve every other sector along the way.  As society becomes healthier and lives longer, we will see more productivity in the workforce.  We may see higher grade point averages and standardize test scores.  We can see attendance rising in schools and the office.  The positives would be exponentially replicated throughout society.  Healthcare does not have to be segregated and viewed differently than many of the services that exist today.  The government enables subway rail systems, flight schedules, public schooling and the postal service to the benefit of every single person who has access to these types of amenities.  Healthcare can be added to this list of courtesies with pragmatic measures put in place and parameters constructed to ensure that misuse and abuse does not occur.  We are working towards the aim of universal healthcare. Until we can hang our hat on that accomplishment, we will at least strive to develop the right plan to cure all that ails us.

God's Word Translation

Find True Love!
The fact that you are still looking for it proves success for both those that inhibit the past and those that hope for you in their future!

Understand the Transition.
The stigma that enables curiosity can be equaled by the finality of the truth for each end of the spectrum!

Be mindful of your actions. As you establish leadership, your methods will be relived by others who felt you were justified whether they are seen as mistakes or successes in hindsight. I hope for the best for all who feel I am worthy of being followed.

When this life is complete, you will have the satisfaction of saying you've seen it from start to finish! You witnessed every moment and supported every instance. What else can it be? And then the end happens because you enjoyed it more than I ever could had.

Maybe the accomplishment was finding another path in which you are able to move forward. As always, use this opportunity to progress your better qualities from the past and improve on the flaws that might have created this to attempt to have a different conclusion. It seems like every day can be seen as time to remember who you were and simultaneously decide who it is you are trying to become!

Part of the frustration is knowing where you are and seeing your destination but the events between the two points are completely left to assumption until actuation is realized. And even then there is an act and counteract to each step growing the population in both directions.

Your perspective is just different from others. And in each instance you both see exactly what you wanted to. What makes me sad is essential to the enjoyment of those with a differing view. My escape should not be another's permanent place. I just choose to settle for what I can get because I have never been able to get what I want. Now is the time to prepare for the future and accept the facts of my failed past.

As long as something happens, the merits of its beginning nor the consistency of its action does not matter. Every action creates reaction and every reaction enables a following. The point is to believe a team exist even if all parts don't agree with the premise. I'm ashamed of the fact that people encourage me to participate that this is the best possible situation for me. The main problem is that negativity and degradation are just as popular as anything you can do to redeem some sense of valor to be able to regain self-esteem. Everything cuts both ways regardless of the effect to either party. When information is dispersed, it is easier to appear unified with a source even though you can be corrupting its very credibility!

Positive thinking, faithful prayers and belief in something greater than one's self has led me to recant that this is my current lifestyle due to past failures from different routes. But this too has not given me something to be proud of. My initial thought, once revealed, becomes supplanted by the growing resistance to acceptance of my version of the truth. It may not be that I am right or wrong, it could just be a form of equality from another perspective which garners questioning. Any topic which can be debated can be expressed from differing views. Now I am left to wonder what options do I have when creativity is denied and conventional methods are not in your favor. At this point the value of my life has changed because access has debilitated what my skills are actually worth. When all roads are blocked do you force change or allow yourself to be succumb by ineptitude and negligence?

The question I usually ask myself is, what do people see when they see me. Am I a person or just something to be used and removed? There seems to be a level of concern but never interaction. And if participation is not the goal of the connection, however minute it may be, is it negligible in the end? And what is the substance of the concern and how integral am I to the entire situation as is? More questions than answers and less people to have significant feelings. The strange part is I'm not sure if I should be hurt if there was nothing on the other end. Maybe my imagination of what is tangible is out of the loop. As usual, it comes to a stop when I am no longer needed or have served my purpose. The loneliness continues and the desperation is evident but don't bother to be the one to initiate a transformation, simply be the one who finds my existence to be the inherent issue. I wish I had a friend! Thank you!

Sometimes there is no reward for improvement. Depending on your previous form, you may just not be the worst instance of yourself anymore. This does not have to be celebrated or even acknowledged. People who are consistently at a similar place or higher find staying there enough. Since this is new to me, I had expectations of something better which may not be reasonable for individuals who are already here. Another lesson I had to learn is everyone is not speaking to me or in my favor. Assuming a message is for you when it is not explicitly stated simply leads you towards the incorrect path. I find myself wishing for my fantasy to come to fruition instead of helping another unite their reality. It becomes narcissistic to feel you are involved in affairs for which you are not present. After the many stages of hope, I have seen that the heroes journey might not be to save the fallen soul but to remind you why humility is a preeminent characteristic to comprehend. Everything I thought I was can be changed and everything I am has been seen before. And in the end, the mistake was thinking you knew more than those who oppose your view.

It has been arduous to present a point of enlightenment after making what I now think were bad choices. I do not want negativity to be the motivation but it appears to be the recent experience prior to collecting my thoughts. The chances to recover have been minimized and the debt is starting to seem insurmountable. Even though I had expectations to reach a positive destination, it could again be the long road traveled of the wrong option. As I seemingly stray further and further from society, the division of being labeled as the minority or the exception is not as clear. The presumed rarefied status will either be the culmination of a new achievement or the absolute collapse of my perception of saneness. There cannot be a claim of being mislead or misinformed if I brought myself to this point by my own accord. There have been many moments of distress and great worry but if those emotions were to be displaced by the greater sense of refined advancement, it would truly feel as if a calling was evoked and replied to respectably.

Reflecting on what places me in the present moment is, at times, a somber task. There have been very few moments of praise for myself. My conscious state of being can be lifted with the idea that a revived future is still a possibility. This occurs when I see the signs that the best traits of humanity are showing. The sentiment is often appreciative and reassuring. But that does not alter what brought me to this point. My mistakes usually entails offending groups of people which then leaves me isolated and alone to merely regret my words. And the result is not the typical two steps forward then a step back. My experience is more of all progress arrives at an immediate and abrupt stop. It causes a drastic switch to how to proceed in each case. I want to move steadily toward a more universally accepted position but it does not seem to be in my nature. Not necessarily conforming to society but embracing what it presents and finding my space for its approval. Logic dictates that this will lead to something eventually but that day will always seem to be later rather than sooner.

The discovery that I am not a perfect being is not a new revelation to me. Reaching for excellence has not reaped the benefits I once sought. Some mistakes are fixable. The correction can be applied by myself or another who has a pure comprehension of the intent. My hope is that there's help to add what's missing or modification for an enhanced effect. My fear is that some errors are more severe where it leads to an adverse finish without an amicable place to return. And with eminence or abandonment hanging in the proverbial balance, the task is getting daunting. The ingrained process has really left me depleted. The impression I get is that this won't be seen as practical if it were to exclusively end as a teachable moment of what not to try to be. As I strive to align my beliefs up with what is pleasing for those intricately involved, there is a sense of favorability towards my objective. I am not always welcomed with the guarantee of a honest approach however. Eventually there will be less pressure and less scrutiny which could allow me to just be a person doing what is right and what is good.

There is a naturally progressive apprehension I have about what is to come. Lacking evidence prevents me from the certainty that there is something to be upset for. So it leaves me in a state of skepticism that things will ever get better. There has only been loss and destruction as of late and that pattern has continued while increasing in frequency. It does hurt and it seems to be intentional. The feeling is that I am systematically being used to only generate my opposition. Every idea that I present, independent of where it is seen or heard, is met with an equal and opposite reaction. There is a clear absence of any sort of uniformity or solidarity for positive momentum. The sense of being trapped to your last resort to only have your thoughts warped and reproduced for a different venue is absolutely demoralizing. I'm being conditioned to know that this is not only possible but it is acceptable. It appears as a case study to find your weakness and not only destroy my character but always strengthen all whom can use that as information against me. There is not an exit and I do not have much left, so what else is there to take from me?

It sounds trivial but to be surrounded by love does not seem to be enough. The concept is everywhere in varying degrees. Each time a door is opened, either for new person or new opportunity, it can be a connotation of that feeling. And though I have that at this time, I am not happy. What's missing is the ability to stimulate the spark needed to control what happens to me. I constantly get froze with no immediate options that are to my liking for prosperity. As I age, there is no one to blame for this. It may just be my very passive approach that allows me to be cornered. Once I felt as if I had to fight for everything I had but it caused so much stress and tension to have possession. The complete alternative is to find that people do not willingly provide more than is required. Even now there does not seem to be concern for my life directly but how events can indirectly be attributed to others for credit. No one wants to be the first to say I care but the first to say I started this or I caused that. I want to be loved by my definition and not just have the word thrown at me with emptiness. The only problem is I do not know what that constitutes because I do not think I have ever experienced it in my life. Every day I hope that when I am met with love, it will be the true catalyst that I have always dreamt to enjoy. And every day I am left waiting for it to happen.

There is always a point at which you must analyze where you are and where you are heading to. If this is not done perpetually, you either lose the sense of the realistic present or how far you are from your goals in the future. As of now, I have exhausted nearly all of my resources and want to know the place where and with whom I can start over. In review of myself, I am not the person I was but I do not seem close to where it is I want to be. This is the conflict as I see it. I have improved mentally and spiritually with a fair amount of significance. And with that being true, I have no way of sustaining myself and I am beginning to break down physically. Which is really better for society, the ability to perceive accurately or the ability to perform with a high degree of quality. The more important question maybe which can be recovered fully once it is lost. Having this knowledge does not help me to know where to go forward in this instance. I know what to work on but I am reduced to needing an immaculate reverence for ascension to occur. As the opportunities become rarer my primary responsibility is to provide admirably and hope that my presence is never seen as regrettable but first I must develop the habits that are recommended to be chosen competently by those who see potential for what I am able to do.

In periods such as this I feel as if I have relinquished all that I crave for what I have been given. I do not understand why I have been walled off to this extent. The feeling can be epitomized as forced assimilation to a preferred way of life which is not in my best interest. I relish the times of conversation, times of shared emotion and times of genuine friendship. These have been replaced by whatever is necessary to make it to the next moment. What can be gained by this and why am I asked to accept the burdensome role? If this is the course to become something much more meaningful than I am now then I have a question. Is others liking what you have turned into worth you disliking what you are personally? There is a possibility that the painstaking process could be as enjoyable as the end result for some. For this to not lead from the dark tunnel to the first signs of light towards my dreams would only mean I have committed myself to the wrong virtues and concepts of today's world. And to be on the wrong path at this point would be very detrimental to what was anticipated to lie ahead. I can simply consider this parable, if I had made someone happy then I hope that may be returned but if I have done the opposite then those sentiments were and will be reciprocated. I can try to offer an apology to all whom are offended while plead for help from anyone who finds sympathy and therefore can.

Currently the only thing I see is the battle of opposing forces. I try to constantly release feelers to pinpoint where to find cooperation and where there is resistance. The conscious effort to provide positive energy has not gotten me to where I want to be at the moment. It seems like in the past there was always cooperation independent of whether my request was good or bad. The difficulty is in making the pathway to enable a different way to go. Then the realization that sometimes people are directed towards a certain destination was my epiphany. The dilemma to devise a new route or take the proven trail was not my choice to make. I feel as if I am being channeled to something that I could not achieve on my own. I am not there yet and cannot conceive how much longer it may take. It is not a test of patience anymore, it is now a test of morality. Why would this be happening and what do you think the ending could be? Maybe this is the finality or maybe its still getting prepared for a greater design. One thing I am sure of is if I am involved then I am part of the plan. How much of the plan I contribute has not been determined yet. The strangest feeling is to think you are really doing good and then encounter an overwhelming sense of inertia. All I can do is make others aware of my intentions and hope that people can assist in what I am trying to accomplish. I have not reached there yet but my optimistic view says there is always time for a prayer to be answered.

My present standing with all persons of interest is a bit of a concern for me. I am confused by the sheer immobility that was on display lately. It is probably due to a lack of necessities on my part more than any deterrent from external variants. At first, I did not find these conditions to be suitable to be the premier person of distinction I would like to become. The harboring of conjectures about insolence, rage and spite to the brink of virtual insanity has subsided. And while there is still a very real gap between where I am and where I want to end up, that interval is now seen as being a process of separation to attain a healthier mind state. The situation as I envision it now is a more organic and natural way to handle a complex archetype. It has turned to a point where I want to win but not at the cost of anyone else. I want to participate but I cannot disturb what is currently taking place. From the other side, I can see how my words resonate. I can see how what I am doing matters but I can't reach those same entities to enhance what is happening now. Maybe this is the time of the transition where what I have done will be thought of as relevant. The time where the way I went about this, the process itself becomes respected to some level. Maybe now is when I am not weird among my contemporaries but I harken back to a past presence that is revered.

To me, I feel as if I have tried to adapt to every request from others. I've conformed in my approach and considered all information that was presented to me. And still the exertion to adjust has yielded nary a good result. Hindsight has taught that it is easier to maintain consistency by any means than it is to return from falling to regain a previous position. One viewpoint is that leniency may have been granted to stop moving in reverse. The other is that there is a present standard that generated rigidity to move forward as it has a sedentary stature to be compared to. I can choose to completely lose myself or continue to wait for something different to work in my favor. But ultimately, I must decide what is this experience worth. If it were not to be helpful in my life, could there be an alternative for the next person whom finds themselves in such a predicament. See things may change for me but another may never have to face this as there will be a cause to prevent it. History says that these characters are to be persecuted by their peers. The contrast is in that I am less about challenging authority than I am for sharing my perspective on why this is troubling. I feel there is a problem while the majority believes the adage "if it ain't broke don't fix it" still applies. Even worse for me, I can not stand with others of the same plight as I seem to be a unique case. There was not a gathering for injustice against an oppressor or a system that must alter its tenets and principles for a misrepresented population. It started as just one person whose value was not able to be quantified by the society in which he lives. The ascertainment of an innate ability that may be special was deemed impractical and later ineffectual. I can not define or explain it but I think that the interest in it can be spoken of in the same way. So I guess the question must be asked whenever the ruination occurs with the establishment of nomenclature, are you one of the many stars in the night sky or are you the only sun in the morning? And whichever you find yourself to be, why do you feel that way?

Again I am at a point where concessions are needed. When one is dependent upon another to move forward, you must meet their requirements and their standards in the given window to get the job done. Ordinarily, if you cannot comply with that then it is you who will be at a loss. We live in a time where there is always another option for whoever has the obvious advantage. If you are upset with being replaceable, you are defined as a tradable commodity and not the critical asset you once presumed. You could become vital to a new venture but can you discover that resolute setting with the rational ambition and urgency needed to encompass it. In verbal terms, you would primarily be swapping the insult for encomium. If you can, you may feel at home with your stated goal or purpose. If not, you could endlessly wander from place to place looking for what you want with a constantly empty feeling. The conundrum being faced is to move on from what you never had to what you never knew existed. As you try to find the meaning in that statement: the clock continues to tick, the earth continues to spin and you are still the same person you were yesterday. Now I know I can determine my next mission and my next step but I do that not knowing my final destination, only the direction I wish to go. As you travel that all important trip, just think about whether you have enough information to conclude if you are closer to its beginning or the end.

I used to think of myself as some sort of recluse or hermit. There are situations where I am very reserved and apart from the norm. This has evolved to the preponderance of my thoughts becoming rhetorical questions and introverted findings projected to something else. And as I got accustomed with this circumstance through repetition, I feel I am not that different from others. There is an apex of being consumed to exist for an instance, that you can lose touch of what was before and to come afterwards. The effect of that is only being able to draw parallels to what you have witnessed for better or for worse. No person can be everywhere at once but that absence can help in understanding what others may hold dear. The fragmented sections start to iterate in fractal like examples of what they believe is best for them. In some ways there is a tinge of randomness but otherwise religion can be implied. See as the ideals are passed down, they develop into a doctrine for a tried and true way to abide by. If you do not fit in accordance with what's accepted, you will be seen as very stubborn or original with that interpretation being left to those who disagreed beforehand. In any event, you can either show how you are similar to what is already familiar or present a notably diverse way to conduct oneself. The key is not to disrupt or overturn the past but have an alternative for the offing. And whether it is a play on words or a game of numbers, everyone can be a part of something.